Hey crashoverride,
You have an interesting take on the matter. I'd like to discuss this further with you.
You first mention "irreconcilable differences" as a reason people get divorced. You then provide examples of this such as "falling out of love" and/or having contradicting goals.
Lets start with falling out of love... I think one's definition of love is subjective. But if its really this hallmark/romance movie magic would it not be something that is perpetual? If reading that alone makes you think of it being over embelished propaganda, well then working on a marriage should be the only solution.
In an ideal or perfect world, of course love would be perpetual. But you yourself pointed out "this world is far from perfect"
Of course, once a man and woman are married they should always try to work out differences that may worsen or ultimately lead to divorce. But falling out of love is something I don't think can be fixed very easily. Emotions can change. Sometimes even the repair attempts can be frustrating and cause further division and rancor. This could be best described as unintended consequences.
In regards to contradicting goals.... well one would hope that each other's goals are understood by each marriage partner. However this world is far from perfect and that isn't the case often. Therefore I discern that communication failure is the catalyst to a lot of failed marriages. Interestingly enough this too is something than can be worked on if an effort is made by both parties
Ahhh, if it was only this easy!
This problem is probably easier to address and repair than emotional differences. However, establishing better and clearer lines of communication may not be enough to resolve the contradicting goals.
For example: A couple is married for five years and live in Connecticut. For all intents and purposes, this is a very good and happy marriage where few problems come up, if any. But suddenly a letter/e-mail/phone call is sent to the wife. There is an illness in the family, and the wife is requested to go to Nevada where her family runs a business. She must now assume control of the business, and oversee day to day operations. The husband has a decent job in Connecticut and doesn't want to leave his home state. The wife feels duty bound to her family who relies on this business. She cannot, for whatever reason, perform work from Connecticut. In order for the company to continue and remain viable, she must re-locate. The husband understands all of this, but still feels his job is viable, is uncertain about opportunities for him out-of-state, and generally does not want to leave.
Now in this example, the facts are clear and there are no misunderstandings. However, what effective resolution could be applied here so BOTH parties can fulfill their obligations with no personal detriment? What level of communication can be applied that will prevent a breakdown in the marriage?
As a couple, they have a goal to make the marriage work. But is that enough to justify negating their personal and professional obligations? Is that enough to sacrifice their personal happiness? Will one or the other agree to place the others' priorities above their own, only to start resenting the other for having done so?
This example proves that a couple with the best communication skills may find this to be the skill they least need. It certainly will prevent misunderstandings, but this example shows no evidence of mis-communication or misunderstanding. It does, however, show that sometimes contradicting goals can cause a breakdown in the marriage that both parties may find themselves in the unpleasant realization cannot be effectively or mutually resolved.
You do bring up a good point about financial problems and age though. In regards to these 2 issues causing marriage failure I concur 100%
Financial or money problems is actually listed as the number 1 reason marriages fail. However I'd appreciate if you could elaborate on the specifics in regards to this causes the failure. Do women in general expect a guy to take care of them and if he loses his job or does not make enough money they become frustrated? Does each couple criticize the others spending habits? I've always been curious about this...
Generally speaking, yes. Every individual situation is different, as is every individuals' level of patience and understanding when it comes to a daunting financial problem.
In the dating phase, it is generally expected and reasonable for a guy to pay for a date, and an interested girl will definitely pay from time to time. But once there is a marriage license, women seem to expect that husbands are obliged to undertake a much greater financial obligation. And many matrimonial courts have agreed with this
Furthermore, men have historically been the bread-winners in the household. They are also the final decision makers (you heard me right, women's liberation groups)
Now in the cases of when a guy loses his job or doesn't make enough money, these situations will require the woman to be patient, understanding, and perhaps even seek part-time employment to fill-in any necessary financial gaps.
However, marketers have easily figured out that women in general are the largest consumer base. Their appetite for shopping is incessant. Notice I said that "necessary financial gaps" must be filled in. This does not mean that because the misses wants a new gas-guzzling mini-van, she should start berating her husband because his income does not support the initial purchase or general upkeep for said vehicle. It may mean she can only purchase two pairs of shoes during the year instead of 20. It may mean she cannot buy new furniture every year because she is bored with the house. Men, also, must control their spending, but with the exception of the occasional big-ticket item, this is generally not a problem. Still a man must think twice or even three times before making a luxuriant purchase. After all, you cannot ask of someone else what you would not ask of yourself
In the case of finances, Americans (those who live within the United States) have a huge problem with over-spending and maxing out credit, and this is both encouraged and influenced by the very federal government which taxes our income.
Ultimately, maturity levels are crucial to how couples approach problems and go about solving them. Some of the examples I cited may be extreme, but they point to overall larger general issues. Yes, if you consider every possibility and problem that may arise, you could very well fear the institution of marriage, and this is both unfair and unrealistic.
Therefore, it is best to step out of the romantic aura one shares with their potential partner and very carefully go over these types of issues before making a commitment. It is especially important not to bow to pressure, either gradual or accelerated, from your partner, or have any reservations whatsoever. If both people are mutually understanding, each will appreciate the other may not be ready.
The consequences of not acting in this diligent manner are played out at the end of 51% of marriages. Divorce courts have proved it is much easier to say "I'm not ready" before one enters marriage, than to say "I wasn't ready" after taking the vows.
This problem is probably easier to address and repair than emotional differences. However, establishing better and clearer lines of communication may not be enough to resolve the contradicting goals.